My mind isn’t clear, nevertheless, I want to write so bear with me another horrendous blog. The time now is 28 November, 2024, 23:38 PM… I don’t think this will be a valid blog, it’s more of diary (well, actually a rambling), I’ve been meaning to create some weekly journal under this website to write more often, since I found writing immensely beneficial to my mental health.
I was just browsing my website and navigating throw some tabs while I noticed that I haven’t not posted a single blog from the year 2024, not that the other 3 blogs were serious blogs either, even though the last one (the one about programming helpers) will definitely get a revisit very soon.. or.. okay I take my word back, I don’t know how soon, but I’m seriously planning to pivot my career mid-2025. I don’t like my current job which started in April 2024 - not long ago, but long enough at the same time. My sense of time seems quite choatic. And that brings me to the crux, or the main theme describing my feelings during November: confusion with time, as with this month’s start I wanted to do a lot of planning and wanted to take time for self-reflection and to ponder how much I achieved this year, I convinced myself on many occasions that I need to take the time to sit with myself and engage in more introspection, a discovery of the depths of the unique self that I am. It came to my mind intermittently all throughout the year but a bit more often around July. It was a tedious task that didn’t get carried out yet, but I’m still insistent to do it at one point in the near future. I feels like a magical remedy as if it was the elixir of life that I’m chasing after.
Today, 28/11/2024, I decided to start a new life!
Well, that seems such a big claim, I always used to say it whenever I did a terrible thing or felt bad about myself for some reason, but over and over again I keep coming back to the same realization that it’s not a really ‘new different life’ after all, it’s merely a little.. change?.. hopefully to the better, and that’s why during my military service I decidied to call these changes “updates” or “patches”, because at that time I’ve overhauled a lot of my ideas, perspectives and sculpted my personality, I named my new self “Malaz V2.0” … Fast forwards to today, I don’t think the audits I commited thus far enable me to say that now I’m Malaz V3.0 … that thing should be a beast! I’m still not, far from it.. I’ve been uncertain about making a verdict on how some of the recent events had actually affected me because they’re still kinda fresh and their effects hasn’t completely settled, but my educated guess tells me a V2.82 was about right in the past week and prior to it since April, however, this week - more specifically this very day: today, I made myself some promises and changed some spectacles on a number of matters, and these things allowed me to step up into V2.83!
Self-reflection shouldn’t be tedious though! And that’s why I’m certain I’m not close enough to be Malaz V3.0 as I’ve been struggling with [DELETED TEXT - DON’T WANT TO DISCLOSE IT, I WILL KEEP IT TO MY DIARY]. But this new patch today, i.e V2.83 might accelerate my self-development and can make it much, much, much more stable and less buggy. I will be in control! I will be in control, and I will understand myself better, focus on my future career, and keep my emotional state more regulated and efficiently managed.
Now 2024 seemed short, really short when I looked at how much I have procrastinated, even simple things like posting one blog for 2024. It literally was on my mind since March, yet here I am in the end of November finally doing it. But was the year actually short? Perhaps it was the opposite. Lots of things happened in my life too, and lots of big things are happening now, yes exactly now as I’m typing, in my beloved beloved hometown: Aleppo.
Phew, it’s already 12:20 AM, I need to go to sleep.. hope I get the energy to edit it tomorrow. Ciao.
Continuation
31 December, the end of New Year’s Eve is around the corner - just few hours away. A couple of minutes ago I created the blog file for the next blog and designed a banner for this blog and the other next one. I re-read what I’ve typed here to remember where I left off (I corrected so many typos along the way), I think I don’t have much else to say, it really was more like a rambling if anything else. The following morning after writing down this incoherrent blog (29th of November) I developed a heavy addiction to news. Yes, NEWS!
My country was going through a critical, fast-tracked, high-intensity events. From the 1st of December to 8th of December the maximum I slept was 3 hours a day, tightly holding my phone, reluctantly surrendering to sleep for work… if you don’t know what happened at the end of these events, well.. let me put it this way, without metophors, without exaggeration, with full confidence: THE GREATEST THING IN THE HISTORY JUST HAPPENED! The Syrian People Finally Got Their Freedom And Toppled Down The Regime I Hated So Passionately: The Criminal Gang of Assad Family Is Now GONE! I can’t be happier, nothing will equate the amount of dopamine and all of the other happy hormones that rushed through my veins, nothing will resemble the heartbeat and insane joy I’ve experienced when my father woke me up at 6:14 AM Screaming in full charm: “THE REGIME FELL, THE REGIME FELL”.