My mind isn’t clear nevertheless I want to write so bear with me another horrendous blog. The time now is 28 November, 2024, 23:38 PM… I don’t think this will be a valid blog, it’s more of diary, I’ve been meaning to create some weekly journal in here to write more often, since I found writing is massively beneficial to my mental health.
I was just browsing my website and navigating throw some tabs while I noticed that I’ve not posted a single blog yet from the year 2024, not that the other 3 blogs are serious blogs either, even though the last one (the one about programming helpers) will definitely get a revisit very soon.. or.. okay I take my word back, I don’t know how soon, but I’m planning to pivot my career mid-2025. I don’t like my current job which started in April 2024, not long ago, but long enough at the same time. My sense of time seems quite choatic. And that brings me to the crux, or the main theme describing my feelings during November: confusion with time, as with this month’s start I wanted to do a lot of planning and wanted to take time for pondering on how much I achieved this year, I convinced myself on many occasions that I need to take the time to sit with myself and engage in more introspection, a discovery of the depths of the unique self that I am. It came to my mind intermittently all throughout the year but a bit more often around July. It was a tedious journey, but I’m still insistent to do it at one point. I know it’s like a magical redemy as it was the elixir of life I’m chasing after.
Today, 28/11/2024, I decided to start a new life!
Well, that seems such a big claim, I always used to say it whenever I did a terrible thing or felt bad about myself for some reason, but over and over again I keep coming back to the realization that it’s not a really new different life after all, it’s just a little.. change?.. hopefully to the better, and that’s why during my military service I decidied to call these changes “updates” or “patches”, because at that time I’ve overhauled a lot of my ideas, perspectives and sculpted my personality, I named my new self Malaz V2.0 … Fast forwards to today, I don’t think the audits I commited thus far enable me to say now I’m Malaz V3.0 … that thing should be a beast! I’m still not, I’ve been reluctant to make a verdict on how some of the recent events have affected me because their still kinda fresh and their effects hasn’t completely settled, but my educated guess tells me a V2.82 was about right in the past week and before, and this week, more specifically this very day: today, allowed me to step up into V2.83!
Self-reflection shouldn’t be tedious though! And that’s why I’m certain I’m not close enough to be Malaz V3.0 as I’ve been struggling with [DELETED TEXT - DON’T WANT TO DISCLOSE IT, I WILL KEEP IT TO MY DIARY]. But this new patch today, i.e V2.83 might accelerate my self-development as well makes it much, much, much more stable and less buggy. I will be in control! I will be in control, and I will understand myself better, focus on my future career, and keep my emotional state more regulated and efficiently managed.
Now 2024 did really seem short, really short when I looked at how much I had procrastinated posting even one blog for 2024. It literally was on my mind since March, yet here I am in the end of November finally doing it. But was it actually short? Perhaps it was the opposite. Lots of things happened in my life, and lots of things are happening now, exactly now as I’m typing, in my beloved beloved hometown: Aleppo.
Phew, it already 12:20 AM, I need to go to sleep.. hope I get the energy to edit it tomorrow. Ciao.
31 December, New Year’s Eve is just few hours away, I created the blog file for the next blog and designed a banner for this blog and the other next one. I re-read what I’ve typed here (I correct some typos along the way) to remember where I left off, I think I don’t have much else to say, the following morning of this incoherrent writing I developed a heavy addiction to news. Yes, NEWS!
My country was going through a critical, fast-tracked, high-intensity-loaded events, From 1 December to 8 December the maximum I slept was 3 hours a day, holding tightly my phone, reluctantly surrendering to sleep for work… if you don’t know what happened at the end of these events, well.. let me put it this way, without metophors, without exaggeration, without any hesitance: THE GREATEST THING IN THE HISTORY JUST HAPPENED! The Syrian People Finally Got Their Freedom And Toppled Down The Regime I Hated So Passionately: The Criminal Gang of Assad Family Is Now GONE! I can’t be happier, nothing will equate the amount of dopamine and all of the other happy hormones that rushed through my veins, nothing will resemble the heartbeat and insane joy I’ve experienced when my father woke me up at 6:14 AM Screaming in full charm: “THE REGIME FELL, THE REGIME FELL”.